Words and imagery by Sarah Lloyd.
A year ago, I embarked on the trip of my life. It was a pivotal moment in time for me as a mother, a wife and a business woman. As we lay in the sun amongst nettles and apple trees, under the magnificent Glastonbury Tor, myself and a group of women I had only met a few days before, connected with the angels, the elementals and priestesses of Avalon, I experienced a kind of peace and pure love I had only read about. It was there I changed my stars.
I am a mother of two beautiful, strong, sensitive girls. Both under 5 and a joy and a challenge. Two years ago, I wallowed in the challenge, I let the shadow of PND grab me and drag me under. And instead of giving into and letting the feelings go, I added to them, I fought them and did what most mothers do – went to the doctors and masked the problem with anti-depressants and throwing myself into work avoiding the issue.
Now I’m not saying that anti-depressants don’t have their place, they absolutely do and if you are missing the synapses that fire up your serotonin then the doctor is where you should go.
For me, what I was experiencing was the inability to embrace the love pouring out of my children and so I repelled it. I was overwhelmed with the responsibility that comes with looking after a baby / toddler and so I did what I had always done with situations I couldn’t control – I buried my head and pretended it wasn’t happening to me. At the time I was completely unaware of people trying to help me, guide me to understand what I was suffering with, I preferred to play the martyr and victim card – thinking everything was happening to me… I was not nice to be around.
I have come a long way since then, at the time I worked in communications for a corporate blue-chip firm, in a global role with direct access to the board, a lovely paycheck, bonuses – the ability to work from home and the flexibility you absolutely need when you bring small children into the world. On paper I had it made…
Then I stumbled on a book – Light Is The New Black, by Rebecca Campbell – the cover was beautiful, and it called to me. I added it to yet another Amazon order I was making that week and thought nothing else of it. It was on our holiday in October – Amy was nearly 1 and Lucy about to turn 3 – I opened that book and it spoke to me on a soul level.
I immediately felt the call of Glastonbury, the divine feminine and the sisterhood Rebecca talked about in her book. I signed up the week I got back to her online circle, and immersed myself in the world of light warriors, healers, mediums. Talented, rising, wise women all on their own journey of awakening and it was beautiful to behold. For many months I would get my spiritual fix in secret – whilst maintaining the role of mummy, wife and corporate professional.
I would order tarot and oracle cards - devouring books that were recommended in the group, training in crystal and angel healing and attending events that Rebecca ran in London. During that time, I saw an energy healer who specialized in Reiki and vortex cards – Archangel Michael came to us in a session and told me to get on my Reiki journey. At first, I was still skeptical about it, but on the second session the message was more of a gentle shove than an ask. So, I found a Master almost immediately and was attuned within the month. Following that attunement came rapid and vast expansion. I re-evaluated everything. My relationships, my career and my interests. I moved through a lot of pain and let a lot go in that time – but that’s another story.
Fast forward 6 months I was lucky enough to land a space on the retreat Rebecca Campbell and Madeline Giles held in Glastonbury, where we visited sacred sites, connected with each other and the divine feminine Magdalene energy.
People ask me what happened at that retreat.
For those not ready to understand about guides, angels and goddesses, I tell them it was all about taking a week to myself away from the madness of family life – mummy’s do after all need a break! Where I met a group of special women from all corners of the world, we sat, talked, bonded over tea and visited sacred sites.
What really happened is I connected with my soul. I also learned self-love, acceptance, unconditional love, and support from women with no agenda or competitive edge. There was no underlying feeling of one-upmanship that I had experienced throughout my life with groups of women. I felt held. Supported. Loved. There was a lot of crying, a lot of healing and all that comes with connecting on a deep soul level with yourself.
It was in the Chalice Wells gardens I manifested the life I am living in now – I asked that I be a master of my destiny, that I help women get their message out to the masses, to be a messenger of the angels through writing and to have a better, healthier relationship with my children.
In the October of that same year (so a year to the day when I picked up the book) – I was offered a choice at work, shift into something I didn’t want to do and have steady employment or take redundancy. After much discussion with my husband I took the leap of faith and opted for redundancy. It was the biggest relief I have ever felt – the taste of freedom and the endless possibilities that came with releasing myself from a situation that no longer served me or my soul.
What made it easier was my husband could see the change in me, through this journey. Investing the time in myself and finding my true point of happiness, meant that Mummy wasn’t stressing and yelling at the children anymore, it mean that his wife had time for him, and was relaxed and happy. The strain and the little black cloud lifted on me and my family. Of course, it wasn’t without its wrinkles and lessons, and we still learn everyday – but a year after that trip to Glastonbury, my life couldn’t be more different.
It was clear to me after I had a month off enjoying life, that I shouldn’t throw my 20 years of working in communications away. I decided to put those skills to use differently. I set up IndigosoulPR - an intuitive communications agency – where I offer my services to rising women and authors to help them get their message out to the world. What is beautiful to me is I understand these women having undergone my own expansion, I understand that they are being called to share their message and that I can help them to do that.
In fact, next week I am helping to run a retreat to Glastonbury with a fellow sister (my roommate in fact from the original retreat). I am also glad to be working with a whole host of women who have gravitated to me – each bringing a learning or a teaching to me, almost shining a light on things I need to explore not only on a soul level but also helping me to see that the rise of the feminine is real and happening now.
The best bit, whilst business is business in any guise, there is a softness, an intuitive aspect to what I do – In the past it was always about numbers and I have found that pushing to get results only adds to the levels of stress we are all trying to get away from. But putting it out there and manifesting it is when the results truly come. It is a new way of working for me and it suits my clients especially those who are also working in flow.
With Archangel Michael and Joan of Arc as my guides, it is very clear what I am here to do. Things do happen for a reason, manifesting that life is possible and life happens for you, not too you.